Falling Upwards
by Shirayuki Hikari
Summary: Can you really die if you've never lived? A sunset can mark a beginning or an end... Those left behind remember it all too. Formerly Within and Without. (Romance comes later:) First fic in this section! Review!
1. Within and Without

Hey, time for my very first attempt at coming relatively close to a good fic! I've realized, after my disastrous attempt at writing a long story in the Trigun section, that my attention span is too short right now to pull that off. So for a while you'll be seeing me in different sections, trying out a few new things. 

As for this fic, I believe it will be a one-shot, nothing more, unless I get a huge response from it. I'll try to keep everyone in character. Review! The little button needs a good click!

Within and Without

As he wandered through the dismal, gray city, head down and in ignorance of the people and things around him, not a single thought permeated his subconscious. Every image was subdued and dispelled in the vacuum of his mind, like air in space. What kept him moving was beyond Spike, but something within himself wouldn't let him sit and rest.

A sharp tug on his sleeve pulled him out of the reverie, and forced him to peer into the dirty face of a child. Emaciated and pale, the little boy's body was a testament to the terrible existence he now endured.

"P-please mister. You got anything to eat? I'd do anything for a little cash, if you don't got anything on ya." The older man's silence and unchanged expression didn't cause the boy to falter; he pulled on the torn sleeve once more. "Please sir. Anything will do."

Without a word or another glance, Spike side-stepped and walked away, not hearing the pleas. Listening took thought and thought was… unacceptable. His ears rang with a shrill, unearthly sound as he continued past the destitution around him. He could no longer feel the cold, no matter how many people sat along the street, huddled together. Noticing anything about these homeless people would cause thought, and Spike couldn't handle thought right now.

Past, present, future, why did it matter so much? Any time would be comprised of one simple truth - pain. Not that Spike could feel pain any longer, but he remembered it. His mind slowly squeezed the thought until it died, and Spike lost even that slight remembrance of the pain. Everything was gone except now. And what was there to remember about now? The nothingness was soothing.

He continued on, never changing his pace nor turning at all. Things around him didn't matter, he just simply had to keep moving. Suddenly, he caught sight of something that punctured into his subconscious, resisting its crushing force. Spike couldn't breathe.

A cemetery.

Underneath carved stones, the worldly remains of those whose souls had gone on resided, becoming less and less like their former selves as time wore on.

'_So useless_,' Spike thought, his first in a long time. He felt the memories coming on, and began to run in fear.

'_I'm dead_,' he told himself, stumbling in his haste. '_I can't remember, or feel, or think, or anything! I just want to rest!_' He ran on, leaving the city behind and heading across a grassy field, dotted with the colors of wildflowers. Finally, fatigue overcame Spike and he was forced to abandon his furious pace; but that was okay. He could be alone here and not have to worry about thinking or any other things that only pertained to those still alive. He flung himself to the ground, oblivious to his surroundings.

"You can't run forever, you know."

Spike quickly sat up and searched for the speaker, stopping as he found the source. "J-Julia?" he inquired softly. His voice wavered because he hadn't spoken in a while.

Do ghosts speak? Spike didn't think so.

The young woman sitting in front of him had her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped protectively around her legs. She was turned sideways to Spike, and as she looked up at him , Spike relaxed; it wasn't Julia. The girl shared her wavy, golden locks and her immense beauty, but nothing more.

Spike stood and brushed the stray grass off his clothing. "If you're not Julia, who the hell are you?" He gritted his teeth as he said this, thoughts pervading his mind.

"You can't run forever," the girl repeated. She gracefully climbed to her feet. Her white dress traveled to about mid-calf, ending in lace. There were pink flowers in her waist-length hair, and Spike felt caught in her unusual gaze; one eye was a beautiful emerald, the other a fathomless sapphire blue.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Spike spat at her. "I'm dead. I don't have anything to run from anymore."

She took a step closer. "Are you sure? I think you aren't believing it yourself." Spike guessed her age to be around nineteen or twenty. He took a step backward.

"I **am** sure. I once said that one of my eyes can see the past, but I can't see anything anymore. I don't want to see past, present, or a future! Hell, I don't even wanna be here. Can't I just rest a while?" In reply, the girl gestured to a small pond that he hadn't even noticed before. Confused, Spike bent over and stared at his own reflection.

His eyes were still as mismatched as the young woman's. Spike gasped and jumped back.

"Am I in Hell or something?" he asked with more than a little panic in his voice. "'Cause I thought since I'm dead I wouldn't need the mechanical -" He stopped and turned to the girl. "Am… am I dead or not?!"

She simply shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."

Frustrated, Spike shouted, "Well, what do you know? Anything?"

"I'm not even quite sure what your name is."

Spike groaned and threw himself down again. The girl walked to him and squatted down beside him. He threw her a defiant glare. "Okay, what about you? Are you dead?"

The girl let a giggle escape her lips. "What's your obsession with being dead, huh? Aren't you even gonna ask my name before you start with stuff like that?" When she received silence in return, she giggled again. "My name is Coronis. What's yours?"

"Spike," he muttered.

"That sounds kinda like a dog's name…"

"Excuse me?!"

"I hope it isn't your real name…"

Spike cleared his throat. "Whatever… You never answered my question. Are you dead or not?" Coronis sighed.

"Again with the dead thing… I'm honestly not sure…" she said slowly, as if contemplating it herself.

"If you don't even know if you're dead or not, how am I supposed to take your 'you know you can't keep running away' crap seriously? Are you even a person?"

Coronis rolled her eyes. "What a stupid question. Come on, let's walk." Spike stood up once more and hesitantly followed her up a sloping hillside. Even he had to admit, the place was beautiful.

When Spike neared the top, he could feel the wind start to pick up. It gently rustled his clothes and bushy hair and had a calming effect.

"This place is… nice," he said to Coronis's back. "Where is it?" The wind caught her hair and dress. For a fleeting second, Spike caught sight of the design drawn on the back of the white gown: a pair of wings. Coronis turned around with her hair blowing across her face.

"It's nowhere and yet it's everywhere all at the same time," she said in the same mystical tone she'd used the first time she'd spoken to him. "It's where lost souls wander I guess. But you're the first person I've met here." She pointed behind him. "That city you came from, it's also where lost souls reside. But those who are restrained there were lost in life as well."

"Hmmph," Spike grunted, crossing his arms behind his head. "How come I didn't stay there then?"

Coronis laughed. "Another thing I don't know. You have a lot of tough questions." Her smile faded and she sighed. "But I guess I should answer you about being dead or not. I think that you are technically dead, but something is keeping you from going where you belong. Something is still connecting you to life."

Spike glared at her. "Damn, I can't even die right."

"You are weird beyond all reason," Coronis commented coolly. "But I wanna know more about you so I can figure out what's going on. Hold still." She reached out a hand. Spike almost dodged, but managed to contain himself as she placed her cool palm on his forehead. Her eyes widened and she pulled away.

"You- you… you felt my touch, didn't you?" she asked, shocked. 

"Yeah, so?"

"This is great!" She grabbed his arm and started to drag him west. "We have to beat the setting sun!" she shouted. 

"What?! Wait, where are we going?" Spike yelled back, but still ran full speed behind her.

They ran forever it seemed to Spike, and he become winded. When Coronis finally stopped, he was gasping for air. "All right," Coronis said with a smile. "We made it with time to talk!" She sat down and Spike quickly followed suit.

"So… what… did…you… find out?" Spike asked between gasps. 

"All I needed to know," she answered. "Spike, your problem in life was you never had any faith in anything except pain and misery! That's no way to live. Everyone has a reason to carry on, to get up in the morning, but I don't think you ever had one!" She stared into his eyes with her intense gaze. "Every life has a purpose! Every single one." 

"And I've completed my life's purpose - killing Vicious. That's all that needed to be done," Spike said in an icy tone.

"Do you honestly think you were put on Earth to kill someone else? That's a little audacious. I'm not saying that it's gonna be something big, or that you haven't already fulfilled it, but your life has a better purpose than that! And because of your lack of faith, you've never really lived. You've been dead for so long Spike." 

"I know that, but I just can't see living anymore." When he looked up, sparkly tears had formed wet trails down her cheeks.

"Ultimately, the choice is yours Spike," Coronis said in a hushed voice. "I think you deserve to live, _really live_ for once. Please say you'll go back."

"What? I can go back?"

"Yes, if you hurry. Say you will."

"I dunno… What if I don't go back?"

Coronis frowned. "You'll spend an eternity here. Which, by the way can be very boring."

"How am I just supposed to choose?! This is ridiculous! I don't even know how to get back!"

She looked at him. "When the sun sets, you'll return to your body if you really have a desire to live." He looked further westward; the sun was a sliver on the horizon. "You have to choose."

Spike looked down at the ground. His life - well, non-life - flashed before his eyes. He remembered good times and bad, and looking once more at Coronis, he remembered a similar woman, slowly falling to the ground. 

"Is this a dream?" she'd whispered, her life slipping away.

And Spike made his decision. The sun faded even further. 

He looked down at Coronis who stared up at him, the question in her eyes. "So, one more question." She nodded solemnly. "Are you an angel?" She laughed, as the last bits of sunlight faded.

"I have a question for you," she said in near darkness. "When you left the Bebop for the last time, you said you were going to see if you were alive. Did you find your answer?"

"Yes," Spike said, as the darkness swallowed him, "yes I did."

Whoa, was that deep or what? And I think this is the only Cowboy Bebop fanfic where no one smokes a cigarette! Holy crap! Is that possible? Anywho, review (NOW please) and please don't flame me if you can manage to contain yourself. I love you guys!


	2. Night and Day

All righty people, here's the deal. I didn't get a HUGE response from this story, but oh well. It deserves an extra chapter, if just for the super-nice people who did review. This one's for you guys! I LOVE YOU!!!

I forgot the disclaimer in the first chapter, so here it is: I own nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. I'm just borrowing the characters and trying not to desecrate their greatness.

Chapter 2 - Life from Above to Down Below

Spike didn't really know what to expect, but he sure as hell didn't expect what he got. Who knew that pure darkness could be so all-consuming? Instead of worrying about what was going on, he let himself brood on the past.

The angel - if that was what Coronis was - had told him to choose. At the time, he thought he'd made his choice pretty clear. But apparently that wasn't so. On those seemingly celestial plains, his thoughts had been murky at best.

Even so, he'd seen none of his deceased comrades or enemies, something that had put a damper on his whole dying experience. Hell, he hadn't even truly been dead, had he? 

But none of that really mattered; what mattered was he was floating through darkness so absolute that he couldn't see his own hand. His thoughts slipped even farther back.

Jet. He was probably ready to kick Spike's ass right now. What would he do if Spike just showed up on the Bebop like nothing happened? Spike felt a grin spread across his face. He had to admit, he missed his old partner. Jet put up with all of his bullshit, no questions, but still subtly advised him. He didn't meddle, but he never passed up a chance to know what Spike was up to.

Then there was the kid. As a rule, Spike couldn't stand women, animals, and children; so how he'd ended up on a ship with all three was beyond him. But Ed had at least pulled her weight. She could be dead useful when it came to any kind of technology. However, she had to be the most annoying being to ever walk. She bugged the hell out of "Spike-person" daily, seemingly unaware of her annoying factor. She was always happy though. Spike had to give her that.

And then there was Faye. Stupid bitch. She tried to stop Spike, even though she knew her efforts would be fruitless. His mind was made up, and nothing was gonna change it. But before Julia came back into Spike's life, she'd been so indifferent. If Spike got killed, so what? If he never came back, she wouldn't have given a damn. But she'd changed. Her memories had changed her.

Sometimes Spike envied Faye. She had no past, nothing to worry about. She still had her share of phantoms following her about, but they were nameless, faceless entities, causing little distress in her day-to-day life. Faye had always had a strange enigmatic quality about her.

Spike sighed. How the hell long was this gonna take?! He really wanted a cigarette. He crossed his arms behind his head and waited.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

(AN: Now I'm going to go into the thoughts of the other Bebop crew, starting with Ed)

Sometimes, Ed wondered if Father-person remembered her.

Not that it really mattered at all. She could take care of herself, and Ein was always with her. She just wished they'd quit rushing around; she was tired.

BOOM! Another meteor penetrated the earth's surface disfiguring the land. "Let's go MacInberry!" Ed didn't hear her father's assistant's response. She leaned backwards, allowing herself to sway in the wind. When the giant machine started up and began to move, Ed heavily fell from the back, rolling fast down the hill. She clutched her computer, the faithful Tomato, to her chest.

"Bye, Father-person!" she called as she rolled. Ein barked as he gave chase.

With a thump, Ed reached the bottom of the hill and giggled with glee. Suddenly, a mental picture of Jet popped into her mind.

"We'll go find Jet-person, Ein!" she cried. "We have waaaaaaaaay more fun with him!" With that, she flopped on the ground and turned Tomato on. It was simple enough to find the Bebop.

"Oh boooooooyyy! He's on earth! Here on earth! Earth, eaarrrth!" She danced around, the little dog jumping at her feet. She scooped up the computer. Balancing it on her head, Ed took off across the desert.

She missed Faye-Faye and Spike-person. Spike-person had left, and Jet-person had told Ed he was never coming back, and Ed would never see him again. She was confused, but Jet never elaborated. 

That was okay. Ed would see them all again.

She really missed Faye-Faye. Sure, she yelled at Ed a lot and hit her sometimes, but Ed knew she just did it because she loved her. Faye-Faye was almost like a big sister.

But Spike-person was really the most interesting of all of them. He rarely ever talked to Ed, but instead liked to lie there in melancholy silence, which Edward inevitably had to break. Ed loved running around the ship, but it made Jet-person angry. Only Spike-person never seemed to care that much.

And he was brave. Jet-person said he was suicidal. But Ed just thought he was COOOOOOLLL!

Yep, Ed decided then and there: she would find Spike-person. He was a lot of fun, and sometimes Ed could steal things that were really good from him! But first, Ed would go to Jet-person, and get him to help! Then, Ed would find Faye-Faye and her family would be complete!

Family.

Okay, I don't know why, but that came out terrible. Definitely not what I intended. But please don't flame me, I'm not mentally stable. Thanks to the reviewers! A cookie to all who review, a curse upon the houses of those who don't!


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